Echoes from Anna
by ThisGirlFuckingLovesEdward
Summary: Bella lives with a power she doesn't know she has. She lives in constant agony from the unknown demon that she believes wants to consume her. After the death of her twin sister Anna, Bella decides to move to Forks alone , intending to live a secluded life so no one can discover her secrets, until she unknowingly screams out for Edward.
1. Chapter 1

Something New

Bella's POV

I wanted to say her name over and over in my head. I wanted to say it until it hurt.  
>When you lose someone like I lost her, the first thing you feel is the pain, you want it to go away so badly, for everything to be ok, like it used to be.<br>But that's the thing. It will never be like it used to be, so once the pain is gone and time has passed. You find that you just feel empty. And then the strangest thing happens. You want the pain back.  
>If you'd known that it was your last connection to them, the last time you'd feel them. Then you would off clung to the pain with all you had, you would off sat in it, soaked yourself in it, I should of dwelled in it.<p>

It had been six months since she died, six months of having my own room and six months of not wanting to look into a mirror, not wanting to see her eyes looking back at me, finding myself for the first time in this life wishing that weren't identical twins. I knew when my mother looked at me she wished for the same thing, or maybe she just knew what I knew. The wrong one died, she deserved this life, she worked hard to make it shine and I just sit on the side lines watching her. These are the things that never occurred to me, I thought my reflection would be a comfort but instead I want to smash the glass with my hands, to pull her out or pull myself in.  
>I had to be the one who decided what happened to her things, another thing that didn't occur to me. Her clothes, her books, and her sheets that she slept on, no one came into our room and touched her things. It was almost like I expected someone to come and collect it all and take them to her, like my mind couldn't comprehend her not needing them anymore.<p>

No one will ever believe me if I told them, But Anna knew she was going to die. Anna knew allot of things like that. She had told me and made me promise that one day when we weren't together that I would come back here, to Forks. She told me that I belonged here, but I think she just hated the thought of me sitting in our room all alone. She had always known what was going to happen, she would just never give me any specific details, because she knew the pain of knowing things you shouldn't.

When we were six, I remember I found her in the school playground alone; she sat staring at the ground crying, but wouldn't tell me why. She was inconsolable all day, but then the school bell rang she grabbed my hand and dragged me home. We got off the bus and ran home to find our Gran as usual; she would look after us each day after school while our mother worked.  
>We sat with her that evening on the couch while she read us a story and the three of us just fell asleep. I remember being so frantic when I couldn't wake her up, that I ran to the phone and called the ambulance. But Anna held her hand and stroked her hair, she told her that she loved her and that we would all be ok. I remember freezing. Just for a second. I stopped screaming into the phone and just watched her. She was so calm and <em>there, <em>she was _there_ in that moment with her. She wasn't lost in confusion and panic; she held her hand knowing it would be the last time.

I laid in our room as the sunlight filled it and I knew that it wouldn't be the same, without out her even if I did stay, so I had committed myself to going through with this. I had to do it, even if it was only to keep my promise to her.

I hadn't been to Forks since I was a baby when my father was still alive but what remained there was the house he had left me and Anna. In the end I knew it was the best thing for everyone; she needed to distance herself from me because it was all too much and I wanted her to be used to living without me before it all fell into place, before all of this ended.

My room was completely empty except for boxes that Phil promised to load onto my truck for me in the morning before work. I looked over at the clock and waited for him to knock on my door to wake me, I wanted every second that I could have in this room. It didn't matter that it didn't look the same with everything packed away. The ceiling still looked the same and that was all that mattered. That was all I needed to pretend that it was just another day and she was laying just a few feet away from me.

"Let's do this Bell's" Phil yelled as he knocked on my door, I closed my eyes shut for a second, "Ok" I said to myself as I pulled myself out of bed.

I quickly jumped to my feet and wiped my face trying to wipe the tears from my red sore eyes. I quickly grabbed my jacket and unlocked the door for Phil. "Sleep well?" Phil asked concerned, I smiled and nodded quickly at him, "I'm just nervous about moving." I added passing the closest box.

I stood on the driveway as Phil tied everything down while trying to explain to me how to undo them when I arrived in Forks. Mum helped with a few of the smaller things but quickly stood back and let Phil finish helping and explaining the quickest way to get there.

I walked over to my mother and wrapped my arms around her, but just for a second. I could feel us both forcing ourselves to hold on for longer than we wanted too before we pulled away to look at each other and smile, before she stood back against the front door watching me from afar as I climbed into the truck.  
>I knew more than anything that I had to do this but I never expected it to hurt so much, as if I thought I would finally be able to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything, everything that I had wanted to tell her since I was little, but instead I smiled from the car and gave a quick wave before forcing myself to brake eye contact, "call when you get there, so we know you're ok." She said nervously as I pulled out the drive way, not giving her a chance to say anything else. I took a breath and let my eyes fill with tears before quickly taking off down the road.<p>

I drove for hours and hours, never being able to stop myself from crying no matter how hard I tried. I could still hear Anna next to me laughing and singing off key to the songs on the radio, it was too soon to be doing this. I didn't want to be doing this. It was a constant fight inside of my head, I wanted to stay in our room for every second that I could and just think about her. I wanted to lay in bed with her clothes and smell her on them and cry and cry all night. But it isn't what I promised.

Not long after Anna died my mother said she had to sell the house. That she couldn't handle living here without her and that's when I realized just how different we both were, she wanted to start over with Phil and have the baby her and Phil had been planning for years, start the life that her and Phil had been planning. But I didn't want a _new_ anything; I didn't want to start over. Starting over in a new house will not change a thing. Just as much as staying in the house wouldn't bring her back.  
>Missing Anna is all I had left, the only life and happiness I had was because of her and it went with her, I felt so bad because I hoped that baby in some way does replace Anna and I, because I am done. I just want to lay in bed smelling her clothes and listening to her favorite music. Weather I do that here or in Forks, I guess really makes no difference.<p>

By the time it was midnight I had made it to the motel. I sat in the car outside debating on whether or not I should just keep driving no matter how tired I was. I tapped my hands on the steering wheel knowing what could happen if I wasn't somewhere safe and out of sight. But the thought of sleep and the idea of crashing the car because of how tired I was pulled me from my seat. I checked in and went to my room. It was nothing special, just a room with a bed and a TV, but for some reason everything in the room was a pale yellow, even the carpet. I dropped myself onto the bed and closed my eyes for what felt like a second before my alarm went off.  
>I smiled into the pillow with relief and rolled over. I just had one more day of driving and I should be there this evening, Phil insisted over and over that driving from L.A to Forks was too much, I used the excuse that I didn't want to leave my car behind, but I just couldn't risk the plane trip. There were rules that I had lived by, that Anna and I had both lived by. Rules that we set in place to keep us safe, to keep people from noticing what was going on with us, to keep people from knowing that we were sick.<p>

It comes on so suddenly for me, it always has. For Anna it was completely different. For a while when were younger and first got sick, she was so much more affected than me. It sounds stupid but I always feel like I gave it to her, like I made her sick.  
>When we were almost eight I had my first seizure and they wouldn't stop for weeks and when they did Anna's began with in two weeks. We spent what felt like forever in hospitals, locked up in white rooms, drugged and scarred. Our mother took us everywhere and tried us on every <em>new<em> drug she could get her hands on, anything to make us normal again.  
>As we got older I got worse and Anna seemed to slowly get better and finally told my mother and the doctors that she was seeing things during the seizures, that we both were seeing things but I could make them out. She told them that she was seeing things even when she wasn't having the seizures that these flashes would take over. But the more she told them the more tests they would do, the longer they would lock us away in hospitals. That was when Anna and I decided to stop talking about it. We would only talk about the symptoms that are associated with epilepsy and keep the rest to ourselves. To keep us safe, and we promised that we would look after each other instead. Anna spent weeks and months reading books, trying to find anything that was even remotely similar to what we had, but she never found anything and one day she just stopped looking. I questioned her over and over again, thinking she had found something that she didn't want to tell me. But she promised over and over that there was just nothing.<p>

I never really understood what Anna wanted me to do. She would ask me to try and focus when I was having a seizure or a migraine, that just before I would feel like I was going to faint that I just had to focus and I could see what she sees. But I didn't understand how she could see anything, focus on anything or think about anything when it was all happening. I wondered if she was crazy sometimes but most of the time I just knew that she was stronger than me.

As I got to Forks I couldn't help but feel a blow of nostalgia, everything was just as I had left it. I didn't need the map anymore I knew where I was going. I still knew every street like the back of my hand and every house still looked the same as it did when I was young. It was so unexpected, I pulled into the driveway and I somehow still felt like this was home. Like it really was the best thing to do and everything really was going to be ok.

That thought lasted about thirty seconds.


	2. Chapter 2

Something Borrowed

Bella's POV

The problem wasn't that the pain was unbearable. It was that it going to get worse and I had only hours; maybe the rest of the day, if I was lucky, before it would become unmanageable. Before it would hurt so much that I wanted to pull myself apart and die.  
>I dragged as many of the boxes of the truck as I could and started going through them looking for the one filled with my medication. I was so engrossed in searching that I didn't pay any attention to the house. I didn't take a second to look around; I just frantically looked through box after box, wishing I had of labeled things.<br>Finally surrounded by boxes I found the one I was looking for. I collapsed to the floor and rummaged through the bags taking pill after pill before quickly grabbing the prescriptions I had and running back out to the truck.  
>I felt like there really was no time to think. No time to do anything other than prepare. I drove far too quickly into town, stopping nowhere else on the way. I could feel my hands starting to shake as I pulled. I walked in to the pharmacy tripping over my own feet, wanting nothing more than to get back home to where it was safe and hidden.<p>

The pharmacist examined me suspiciously until looking down at my scripts to see what I needed, when he suddenly looked up giving me a small but comforting smile, assuring me it would only take a few minutes. I sat in the waiting chair, I usually would look around the shop or get some groceries maybe, but today I sat staring at him behind the counter, and counting the seconds it took for him to fill the script.  
>I couldn't imagine how I must off looked, tapping my foot and biting my lip, waiting on the edge of the hard plastic chair for him to make his way back to the counter. But the thing was I just couldn't bring myself to do anything else but what I was doing. I had been using all of Anna scripts since she had died, I was going through every medication so much faster than I should of been and could bring myself to go without them when I had her ID and scripts, I found that as long as everything matched no one paid attention. For some reason I always had to think of it as borrowing, that if she needed any of this stuff back then I could just give it to her.<br>Finally he nodded to me as he made his way over to the cash register. I paid him and almost ran from the store. I could feel my insides starting to boil beyond belief and the sharp pain in my head started throbbing harder and harder.  
>I started to pull out of the car park when suddenly I felt nothing but pressure all through my head; I sat in the car trying to stop the flashes. Trying to stop the noise and light that stung my ears and eye's. I wanted to scream so badly that I gripped the steering wheel until it hurt, I breathed heavily as my eyes filled with tears. I quickly looked around me to see a shiny silver Volvo in my rear vision mirror, parked behind me, the door slung open. I realized that I was blocking the exit to the car park and he was probably getting out trying to see what was going on.<p>

I didn't wait to see anything else. I started the car and took off as fast as I possibly could back home.

I drove the car onto the lawn, as close to the front door as I could. I couldn't stop anymore to think about the growing pain in my head. I couldn't think about anything but the heat and how I needed to get cold water on me before I passed out. I opened the car door and fell out onto the muddy grass; I pushed myself back up and threw myself at the front door. As soon as I opened it I stopped kidding myself and collapsed onto the ground. I could hear nothing but screeching all around me, I tried to focus on where I was going but I was blinded by bright colors that flashed so hard I felt them erupt through my head like lighting. I dragged myself up each step towards the bathroom; the only other thing I could hear was my crying. I didn't have any control over what came out of my mouth, I couldn't help the pleading to no one, the begging no one to end my life. I would just cry and scream that it stops. But it never did.  
>I ripped my jeans and shirt off and threw myself under the cold shower; I lay on the tiles trying to breathe, trying to imagine the water putting out the fire that was burning me alive from the inside out.<p>

I lay on the ground letting the cold water cover me as I watched the water slowly go down the drain. I watched the pattern of the drain, when suddenly it started to shake, like I was on a train going a thousand mile per hour. My thoughts were blocked; like my brain was being drowned and it couldn't breathe either. "No, No, No, No" I screamed as I pulled myself from the shower and dragged my body along the ground. I knew I had to get off the tiles, that I had only seconds to get through the doorway. I reached out for the door frame to pull myself through to the safety of the carpet when suddenly the noise that was deafening stopped and I was gone. Everything turned hazy and was black and still.

In the silence, in the dead of night that's when I heard him, I didn't know if I was dreaming or if the voice was real. It was so quiet that I had to struggle to hear. But I could, he was there, I could hear him telling me that it would be ok, that I was safe and it was over. I felt a hand through my hair, stroking it gently and when I woke up, I found myself in my bed.


End file.
